Her Name is Perl - But I Call Mom!

Her name is Perl, spelled P. E. R. L., short for Perleatha; but just because there isn’t an “A” in her name, doesn’t make my mother any less of a precious jewel. People like her are rare - and  when a name alone elicits respect, reverence, and at times a bit of awe and wonder, it’s an honor just to be called her son. 

The earliest memories of my mom were both simple and complex, vivid and vague - eliciting olfactory and visual elements. I guess if I was forced to sum up a 3-year-old’s perception of my mom, I’d say it would be “moon goddess.” She still smells of lilies, is always adorned with sparkly things, and has the ability to make the darkest of nights seem less scary. 

Like many moms of the 80’s, Perl was a working mom. Despite a demanding career in the travel industry, she never seemed to miss being “mom” to my older sister Tiffany and me, and never missed out on being “wife” to my dad. I once overheard her tell someone, “It’s not really hard - just time consuming - but I’m consumed by my purpose as both a wife and mother… knowing who you are and whose you are helps dictate that purpose…” It wasn’t until I grew up that I understood what she meant - and I’m still learning just how loaded that statement is and was. 

I’ve asked her on many occasions if she thinks of herself as a feminist. She always laughs and says, “Well, I think I missed the movement - and now I have way too many heels to classify as a ‘bra burner,’ Herby.” Though she may not be your classic idea of a feminist, she represents the type of person who has made it possible for woman like Stacey Abrams and Elizabeth Warren to be taken seriously as leaders - heels and all. Perl has that kind of immense strength and illusive vulnerability that commands attention, elicits compliance, and reassures empathy. 

She’s one part Anna Wintour, one part Oprah Winfrey, and one part Clair Huxtable - the perfect combination of a total badass. Perl has high standards - and some may say these standards might even be insurmountable. Perl is a shrewd business woman - and admonishes her charges to “never make a bad deal.” Perl is the consummate mother - and worries about providing the littlest details when helping anyone in need.  

I could go on and on about Perl, but if you’ve never met her in person, there’s really no way to describe her elegance, presence, and visage that would do her justice. Nevertheless, you can see how she’d be considered as the rock or corner stone of any group - especially her family. Nothing can be a better example of her fortitude than how she recently handled a health scare. In a regularly scheduled checkup, her doctors found a “non-benign tumor” in her breast. She waited until a week before her surgery to tell me - and even then refused to refer to the mass as cancer. “I’m not giving it any power by calling it by name,” she said. “And I prefer you not either!” 

Her instructions were VERY explicit and overtly clear: 
- Pray that others will see the manifestation of His grace
- Stay focused on your prime objective (and don't let this be a distraction) 
- Only share with believers who have outlandish faith (because they'll be the ones to remind you that while we respect medical advice, we ultimately trust the Creator)

She told me I had a maximum of fifteen (15) minutes to cry, scream, ask random and probing questions about her health, and then it was to be back to business as usual. She said that she was only inclined to inform certain people and mentioned two woman ministers at my church she felt comfortable praying with her. 

Two weeks after her surgery, Perl was back to work and slowly resuming her regular activities. I can only imagine that she was scared, but she didn’t let on. I can only say this was the darkest of nights for me - to be helpless and completely unable to fix whatever was wrong with one of my heroes. I called her everyday during her two week “downtime.” I thought I’d do my best to lift her sprits and encourage her. It never failed that she’d be the one encouraging me - helping me through her dark night - and NEVER ceasing to be a reflection of God’s grace and light. 
 
Just when I thought I had learned everything there was to know from my mom, Perl continues to have yet one more lesson to teach. And just when I thought I knew the immense capacity of her strength, she performs yet another amazing feat of heroism. Yes, The Book of Perl: The Wisdom Only a Mom Can Teach is forthcoming. There’s just too much wisdom to share in a mere Mother’s Day tribute blog post. But until then, someone will just have to read this little note to her. 

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! You’ll always be my moon goddess. ​